Not a usual positive vibe from me I must confess.
Maybe It’ll not be a big soppy weak Cappuccino that you didn’t really want to drink but did because you brought it, but a tiny little sexy Espresso that you didn’t think you wanted but gave you everything you needed.
But then, what you will see is dependent from where you are looking
Four varied and different years ago I moved to London, on a spur of the moment decision I must add. Now for some reason I do like a anniversary and the chance to look back on what once was, not sure if this is the reason for the clarity on an issue but hey it’s an anniversary, I might buy myself a balloon!
Whats up soft lad?
And today, for mostly one specific issue I’m having myself a little to medium meltdown. Some of which I couldn’t at this point in time divulge but I shall I’m sure of it. ANYWAY, it’s led to me having myself a review of myself, call it a wee internal audit whist at the same time crying inside without anyone else seeing (stops to wipe teary eyes, taking a deep breath).
For around ten months I’ve been made to feel like never before and I tried to swallow it and waited expectantly that it would dissipate, it hasn’t, It’s sat bubbling growing away and almost left me feeling crippled under the weight of it. I hung on until the new year, I had a change coming, I embraced it wholesomely but literally am still left looking over my shoulder. I gave it some time let it all settle in but what happened is I I’ve become to some extent trapped by how I’m feeling, it’s consumed me.
“You cannot put butter on a dolphin and call it a crumpet”
I’ve no idea what it means but I like it, I like it a lot. So me having me little meltdown has also gave me some clarity and made me face the fact that the way I feel Isn’t going to change I’ve been effected by how I’ve been treated and that’s not so much as trickled down into my life but flooded it whilst I’ve tried to tell myself I’m not drowning, well, Dearest me, I am drowning.
And the Kicker you ask?
Here we go the end, that bit that concludes it all. The nice fluffy bit that hopefully leaves you feeling like you’ve not just wasted a few minutes reading my drivel and maybe just maybe it’ll spark some thought provoking action that leads to something I can never get enough of CHANGE.
I need it, its a drug, I take different routes to work, get different trains to a place I’ll go over and over again. Something new, learning, meeting new people trying a new experience. I search out newness feed of it.
In today’s little meltdown I’ve reminded myself that I am indeed not a creature of habit, I embrace changing it up I look forward to new shininess I always come out the other side a changed or better person as a result.
So, you’ll ask the point of all this? Yea yea here we go, If I’m not moving forward I am standing still, by not doing something new or different I am doing the same. With the above issue and meltdown it results from standing still and not doing something new, I guess really here I’m answering a question I already knew the answer too but was searching for a different one.
Change, that’s the answer its there look, it always has been. Just waiting for me to be ready to ride off into the sunset whilst I give not moving forward the bird……..
And ride I shall!
It’s been emotional peeps, thanks ever so for reading.
Live with purpose.